I have been doing some worrying lately. I have been very discontented with my life. I have been walking with God faithfully, totally surrendered since the summer of 2011, and mind you this walk hasn’t been a perfect journey. I had my “ups and downs”, messed up a more than a few times, had fallen and “bruised my knee,” but I kept getting back up and progressively moving forward to living a godly life that my Father desires me to live. Because at the end of the day it pleases Him for me to live this way, and my desire more than anything is to please my Heavenly Father. Plus, as a bonus, I too reap the same benefits. I also am pleased and at peace and overall happy with my life.
Although, like I’d mentioned earlier, I’ve been a participant in some wrong kinds of mindsets lately. Lately, My thinking has been very crappy. Instead of consistently moving forward, I have been having more than a few shares of “pity parties,” drowning myself OVERTIME with all my cares and worries about myself and my life, just completely weighing myself down with my crappy thinking. I have been having all kinds of anxiety attacks about my future and I’ve been very discontented about my now situation and my present circumstances. “I WANT MORE GOD! I WANT MORE GOD! I WANT MORE!” “It’s not fair…why can’t I be like everybody else *pouting*” “Look at them, look at them Lord…If I had this or if I had that I would be sooooooooo much more happy…I would be soooooooo much creative and effective with my purpose *whines,*” all are conversations that I would faithfully have with my loving Father. I felt like my “waiting period” was too extreme. I felt like I had waited long enough and it should be soon time like NOW, that I should see some changes taking place or the promises or manifestations coming in FULL EFFECT of all that He had promised me. I kept thinking to myself like, “what now? What more could He do now?” I was the clay anxiously, squirming, asking my Potter day in and day out “Are you finish yet? Are you done yet? Are we wherever we supposed to be in this process YET???!!” I thought I had looked pretty good. I had my godliness and purity walk down to science. I felt like I had went through enough of my fair share of trials and testings’ (which would be a huge laugh to the great leaders, walkers, and examples of faith in the bible) and it’s NOW, according to me “the clay”, for “show and tell all time” of what my Father “the Potter” has done! But I was far from being finished…I was missing something.
That something was “contentment.” 1 Timothy 6:6 says “Now godliness with contentment is great gain.” Ouch! See truthfully I’ve been patient you know the whole “waiting on God and His perfect timing” quite deal, patiently waiting for His grand scheme of things to manifest concerning my life and my ministry, but in my waiting period (O and I’m STILL waiting) my attitude, my mindset…I admit wasn’t the best, it totally said another. It was horrible! I had been acting like a spoiled brat, a 3-year-old, who wanted her way NOW because I saw fit that it was “time.”
Ohhhhh but I am very thankful that I do not serve a God, who bends and Buckles down at my every cry and plea! Trust me those tears may have worked for my then boyfriends in the past, or my mom, or my friends, but you can’t have it your way with the God who created you and truly knows what best for you. Smh nope! He didn’t budge… Not even an inch. Yet, he did comfort me in my distressing moments by speaking comforting words to me personally or through special people whom He sent my way. On the other hand, I got the silent treatment at my many repetition of prayers, like He clearly didn’t hear me pray that same prayer the night or day before, or the 2, 3, 4, 5 or gazillion days and nights before! So in love, He had given me the silent treatment, because truthfully I knew better. My God had proven himself enough in my life (If you only knew my story…wait on it!) that He has and still is Faithful and a Deliverer and a Promise Keeper. So I pretty much asked for it *smiles*. But during those times of “silent treatment” I was forced to get in my Word wherein He also met me there and instructed me to mediate and study on “Contentment” and I obeyed.
In my study I came across those same scriptures (based on contentment) that I already knew and you know, we believers tend to say over and over and say out loud before the preacher can get it entirely out His mouth in his sermon on Sunday mornings…but this time it was different, instantly, those same scriptures became fresh and new to my eyes like “Wow, that was there!” It was a brand new personal revelation to me! It’s amazing how scriptures you thought you had known before all of a sudden makes sense to you when you are actually going through that experience. Shortly after, the Lord spoke to me and said:
“Daughter, contentment is an attitude. It is a lifestyle and I called you to walk therein. Do not get caught up on the need and want of “things” and desiring certain relationships, because they are not the important thing and are temporal… passing away. Your great pleasure and exceedingly great reward is in ME. I WILL fill you until you overflow. I WILL keep you and sustain you. I am the God of peace, love and joy. Come to me all who are heavily burden and I WILL give you rest for your soul…Rest in me daughter. ”
It was like a light switched had turned on and at His revelation of His Word, I was full of regret and sorrow from my behavior prior and so I repented immediately and then received His forgiveness. I just thank God that He is so patient, caring, encouraging, and never changes but will meet you where you are in your now, in the present moment you face and bring light to it so you can clearly “SEE” and continue to move progressively forward. I’m learning in this season the fruit of being content. I’m learning to be satisfied with my share and keeping my eyes on my plate and off everyone else’s. I’m learning to keep my eyes on the Prize and that is CHRIST!
So my Word for you (and for me too) is to TRUST GOD no matter what the situation looks like and for ALL the desires of your heart that He has given you (make sure those are His desires, through prayer and it being aligned with His written Word). Put Him first above ALL and do not and I mean do not model after this world! But allow God to TRANSFORM your thinking and conduct into alignment with our prime example, which is Christ. Everything that you have today is everything you need. So be content, and allow His grace to be sufficient for you. Let God concern himself with your tomorrow, and live this day like it is your last day with Him, for He desires more than you that you have such things that you desire, but at the right time because He knows what’s BEST for you and when is it BEST for you to have them, He will give them to you freely. It is written that He will not withhold no good thing from us. So if it’s not in our life right now, then that JUST means it’s not good for us and we are not ready to handle it. Simple as that! Remember God SEVERELY loves and cares about YOU and he will not give you anything out of His perfect time knowing that it will destroy you, especially if you are not prepared for it. God desires to develop you and mature you. He wants to clean your house, that you dwell in. He wants to get rid of all that filth that lays active or dormant in your heart and mind. He wants to free us all the way. so we won’t have to be chasing after a man or a woman or after things that are not even the answer or the cure! More than anything He desires relationship. He is the cure! The answer to our sorrows the medicine to our open wounds. God is the only one who can complete you and give you wholeness. God is and forever will be the source of your life, not things or people. Life is truly a gift and it’s MUCH more important than being satisfied of having these temporal passing things and relationships in the earth.
And so for the rest of your time here on earth my friend, build your relationship in God and Enjoy Him, which is priority 1, for He is truly the exceedingly GREAT REWARD! And before you know it, like a blink of an eye, while you are busily practicing the fruit of contentment and enjoying God, your first love and Heavenly Father, that thing (s) you’ve been desiring like a wife, husband, new house, ministry etc. will smack you dead on in the face *POW*. As if God is saying, “SURPRISE!!!! IT’S TIME DAUGHTER!!IT’S TIME SON!!”
P.s. Be patient. Wait on God. He who began a good work in you shall finish it. It’s worth the wait, every single bit of it!