Confronting: Self

I’ve been selfish.
So concerned with how I would be effected by what You required of me, I’ve failed You.
I gave in.
I let my guard down, which only led me to uncertainty.
I forsook You and barely even realized it.
In turn, I played victim…even though for but a moment.
You entrusted me Your promise and I was willing to gamble it away at a moments notice.
For a moment I was actually confused.
How could I, after walking with You so closely, betray You?
I was so sure of myself.
I was so gun hold that I wouldn’t slip up like “they” had.
That was my first mistake.
I hadn’t realized that I put so much stock in my own ability.
I just knew that because I have eyes to see that the wool could never get close enough to blind me.
I was certain that falling was not an option,
Until I found myself on the edge of a cliff.
I found myself in a place you definitely did not lead me to.
I ignored every sign that urged me to turn left.
I went right.
Everything in me told me to go left.
But curiosity & desire seemed to consume me.
I battled with being the me You strategically molded and the me that was convenient at the time.
I yielded to my feelings instead of Your warning:
“He will destroy you.”
I grew more and more stubborn.
With every inch of grace, I took a mile.
Blinding my own eyes to every sign that I was falling.
Falling…Falling…Falling…
My whole world shook
What shook me, though, more than the falling was what I met when it stopped.
I was caught by Your grace.
Grace?!!
I turned my back and You bring me GRACE?!
“I don’t deserve Your grace.”
I was met with what shook me even further:
“At what point did you start believing that you ever did?
And when did you ever hold Me up to think that you could let Me down?
My grace is & will forever be sufficient for you.
So, Rise.”

–E

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One thought on “Confronting: Self

  1. Beautiful!! I think everyone can relate to this at some point in their life. I see this as “the loss of innocence”…

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