WAR

It is beyond me the way that I feel. A catastrophe readily present in my mind waiting to reveal itself. I constantly escape to my thoughts, yet they in themselves are so deadly. Tragedy…the ongoing war inside of me. I’ve been fighting so long, that I’m starting to get sick and tired of playing this same old song. I’m all played out. So just turn down all the noise and let it quietly , yes candidly, fade out. I’ve been made out to be a fool. My emotions conjoined with the thoughts of my obsessions are weighing me down. Knocking on the door of depression, yet even through this season of  trial and testing, I feel as though I will learn a new found lesson. A life changing experience that will  give more answers to my many unanswered questions, because truthfully ,I’ve grown tired of guessing. I’m tired of being bewildered about this mystery girl. Who is she?  And how can I find her in this desecrating, dark, out of touch world? Where the party never stops and everyone is moving so expeditiously trying to race literally against the unwinding clock of time. Meanwhile, I’m squared up against every enemy, their eyes are all watching me, judging me, scrutinizing me and anxiously awaiting and predicting my fall. I want out of this hell box!  And I choose to stand with the Have Nots! Because I choose to have NOT with ANYTHING belonging to this stealthily superficial CROOKED system. Which is comprised of deployed individuals who are in fact are deranged and out of range, which I find it quite strange with a living God. Our self-indulgence is our drug. My self-indulgence has gotten me unplugged. I stand alone.  Fighting this ongoing REAL war in my mind. Spirit vs. flesh. vulnerable. Searching. Waiting. Who is she? Echoing in my mind “Who is SHE?” Penetrating deeply in my thoughts “WHO IS SHE?”

–C

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